Hey, uh, got a webcam? Pennsylvania turns into Crazytown.
The Associated Press is reporting that Pennsylvania whipped off a big one this month. The state is putting wine vending machines in grocery stores so that consumers can pick up wine and lettuce in the same building for the first time since (I am guessing here) prohibition. Sounds like a progressive move. Sounds like a bold step away from Medieval alcohol laws that treat consumers like garbage.
Sounds like a big joke, too… Roll blockquote, AP!
(This is not the AP, this is still Gary. Did you know that the AP actually charges bloggers who quote their articles? Casting Fair Use into the wind, they’ve thoughtfully setup an online form for bloggers to pay to quote their articles. Here it is. To quote their article here would cost me $17.50. Absurd.)
Anyway, the Eniac-like machine has the following process. First, the consumer swipes his Pennsylvania drivers license. Not good. The state shouldn’t be keeping records of who buys what, right? That’s against Liberty and Freedom and all that, right? Nobody would be interested in compromising the electronic records of these machines, right? You have the Liberty Bell right up the street.
Okay fine, swipe my ID. Now what?
The consumer then blows into a breathalyzer to ensure he is not drunk. I say this all the time on this blog: DRUNKS DO NOT SLAM CHARDONNAY TO GET DRUNKER.
Now, machine, you have my ID and you have taken a breath sample and verified that I am now drunk. May I have my wine?
No, because this is the best part. The consumer now has to look into a video camera so that a state employee, sitting in some office in Harrisburg, verifies his identity via real-time video.
Now, finally, you may have your room-temperature wine.
I can’t even get into the downright absurdity of this whole thing. It’s just nuts.
Here’s the thing: Pennsylvania residents are so accustomed to driving to a separate store for their state-selected wines that they’re positively thrilled that they can finally buy groceries and wine in one place. People aren’t lighting torches and rising up an anger. They’re smiling about it. You know, I just might be smiling about it too if I lived there.
More coverage from Pennlive, who did not charge me for linking to them.
Sponsored message from WineChateau.com: Fine wines – Get 1/2 off shipping when you buy 6 or more bottles with coupon code “vino35″
July 12th, 2010 at 8:56 am
I never really read about this, and I thought the webcam was just to snap a picture to check later if there seemed to be a problem. I didn’t realize there was some clown actually looking at you and comparing it to your ID. That makes this infinitely awesomer.
July 12th, 2010 at 6:03 pm
Does everyone use the same breathalyzer tube? Germmmmmms…….
July 12th, 2010 at 7:03 pm
@Jon: I can’t believe they didn’t go the full bit and take a DNA sample.
@Matt: I read somewhere that no contact with the tube is necessary. Of course, this leaves open the possibility for kids to obtain a sample of their father’s breath and use that to compromise the system.